I sense this fear an desperation behind my actions. The fear is that I am not good enough if I don't "do these things." My fear transforms to anger if someone or something gets in my way. And in this state, all my actions become infused with desperation - an unconscious energy that blindly drives me, often with rageous results.
My goal is to walk in a state of neutrality, consciously giving what energies I have to the task at hand, infinitely rooted in my deepest truth.
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Yes. Same here, except I've been taught by society to go silent, to freeze up instead of be angry.
ReplyDeleteThe state of neutrality, of'allowing' others and events to shape themselves, does seem to be the solution. I'm learning to trust people and the world this way; as long as I remember that when things get way out of hand I am able to effectively bring peace into play. Is this what you mean?
What I mean is that I often get so attached to my self-deprecating judgements that I either become paralyzed into inaction or frantic in action. My constant goal is to forget these judgements that do not serve IN ANY WAY and to become involved in this world by showing up, by being present, and by giving what I have.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful for this 40 day experiment.