The Oneness Experiment

I must live in a city of Angels! That is what fell out of my journal today as I wrote of my day! I think that I must embrace sadness as well as harmony as a part of oneness, I expected mostly harmony. Today i read an e-mail from a friend that said she got a letter from the person I ran with when troubled. He wants my address....I didn't feel emotion until I got home, this is what I wrote in my journal: I want to cry, scream, process, understand. My heart is sad when I think of those day's. I have that throte lump-do i respond? How do I get closure? Those day's that world is wrong!- not good-not of GOD!! What should I do? Could, would he change- naaaa- control is his game-but he's in prison-Sober- I CHANGED- What does he want>I am off dope 4 years in March!DOn't even crave it today!He is of meth!-Is that really love that I saw?-He is asking for my address-he visits my dreams-my heart aches-why does it ache like this? I am not scared, emotions are flowing so fast i cant keep up, were those really good times? no my heart was sad, I know-I lived in Global numbing-I miss my Mother - but I have my brother-! After I wrote this in my journal the poem I wrote last year fell out and this is what is reads:
Dear Jesus:
I must live in a city of Angels.........
When visualizing my sadness I see myself on my knees, looking up toward the heavens with my
arms outstreched signifying total surrender to my Lord...Rain showering me with a message of hope, understanding, purity, and love!!! I surrender to my Lord, my whole life, mind, body and soul!
AMEN
Now I am going to continue to touch, I am such a toucher, I love to touch, mental touch is such a special touch!
GOD is LOVE!!!